ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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