It's Friday. Sex?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
