Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
