you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
