I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
