so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
