One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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