If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
