you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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