Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
