Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
