Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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