I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
