No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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