the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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