dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
