Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
