Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
