Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
