the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
