Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
