Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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