Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
