They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
