my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
