pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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