this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
