Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
