I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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