you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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