im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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