I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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