just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
