So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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