Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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