Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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