STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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