he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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