My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
