i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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