he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
