tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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