Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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