im drinking this country out of the recession.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
