I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
