I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
