...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
