He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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