i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
