I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
